In Nigeria, If the people aren’t happy…


I went to a friend’s house and in the kitchen, I saw in their kitchen refrigerator, “If Momma isn’t happy… ain’t nobody happy.” It’s funny because we all know it’s true. If the person in charge is upset, we should pay attention.

I want to make one for us that says, “If the people aren’t happy…give them Ruga, give them COZA or Krest and they forget their real issues…

So let’s talk about the Nigerian governor; the Nigerian governor is Nigerian, he often than not is an indigene of the State he governs/rules/ or controls. They hardly govern…in some cases they are controlled too.

In rare cases, we know a state governor has actually hailed from another state, and in those cases we have kept the matter under the realm of gossip and conjectures, like one of the governors in the North whom we know originally hails from ‘agenebode’ or so in the Niger Delta.

Well, is my admonition about where governors come from? Certainly not! But let’s share this learning together in the next few paragraphs.

To the grouse then, what do these men do, what really is the job of a governor…Nigeria has 36 of them, split into the Nigeria Governors Forum, PDP Governors Forum, APC Governors Forum, Progressive cum Opposition Governors Forum, Northern Governors Forum, South-South Governors Forum, South East Governors Forum, South West Governors Forum, and recently I heard of the former PDP Governors Forum composed of ex-governors, (some governors have actually been members of both ruling and opposition parties)

What do these men contribute to nation building or even state building.

On a personal note, these men are entitled to four wives if Muslim, and a wife if a Christian, but scores of then keep a convent/harem of concubines, girlfriends and mistresses, at least not any has been caught ‘gaying’. In other words, as a governor in Nigeria you cannot/should not be faithful at home, by extension you owe those you govern very little and owe much to your harem/party and godfathers…so if the people aren’t happy…

It is not so much about what these governors do, as in also what they do not do. These governors have dozens of commissioners ranging from 20-30, depending on the number of local governments and other political considerations; they are entitled to senior special assistants/special assistants/advisers (both senior and junior)/countless aides and yes consultants on various subject matters.

This allows for governors to spend an average of 7 days only in a month at the office and in the state. The rest is spent galavanting, wedding, naming ceremony, birthday, and death-day, they attend meetings in Abuja, and flex in caucus meetings of how to remove this person and put that person, or how to extricate themselves from their godfathers and make more money.

Off course all these happen when they are not in Kosovo, Kabul or Khazastan seeking investors.

There is no governor in Nigeria that has in the last four years spent an average of 4 hours everyday, 15 days a month and 9 months a year in the office, taking his leave as at when due and handing over to the right person temporarily. But trust me, these ‘guys’ are working so HARD, indeed very HARD…so if the people aren’t happy…

Have you visited a state without big billboards with one motto or the other attached to a life size photo of the governor, state mass transit buses with his picture on them, soccer clubs like Plateau United once christened (Dariye boys, briefly Botmang boys, then Jang Boys and finally Laling boys). If there’s a state similar things don’t occur, then the state has no governor, or it’s a new governor and apparently a learner and don’t they learn quick and fast.

Our governors tell us how difficult the art of state governance is, and you sure would agree, contending with the opposition, with political enemies from different camps, and sure spending billions unaccounted for must be one hell of a job.

A long time ago I asked how much do our governors earn for all the hard work? And very few could say. No wonder every one of them tells us how they were all millionaires before they became governors. So the people should be happy for the humanitarian service they render as governors at the expense of their former billionaire jobs.

Millionaire and Billionaire state CEOs that don’t have factories yet they speak and act in millions and billions, they tell you how they will revive their respective states.

I watch people say governor X,Y,Z is doing well, and I ask where else do people praise a governor for using your money to give you utilities that are not priorities, but our beloved Nigeria.

Is there any Nigerian governor with just two cars, with kids in public schools, and less than N100M, then I will show you a lazy governor. Today in assets and cash there is no governor who is not a billionaire, and that is 36 hardworking billionaires.

These hardworking governors spend millions on healthcare, and yet the hospitals are not good enough to check their health. In one of the progressive South West States, all of the governor’s kids are schooling in London and the governor flaunts his hardwork in the educational sector.

Have you had how Ihedioha of Imo’s first task is demystifying ‘Rochanomics’ or how Gandollar has either been battling Kwakwasiya or Sanusiyya, the tags are countless from Lalong Legacy to the new Sanwo yet all these are nothing but empty shells.

I am using these governors as guinea pigs, but it is really about our leaders, what do our council men/women do, how about the chairmen, legislators, how has our minister impacted our lives, so much we are concerned about their appointment or otherwise.

We need to start asking questions, we’re need to demand answers to issues of governance…if the people ain’t happy the governors should not be happy.

An old axiom speaks of not touching a blind man’s hand while eating with him…for how long our leaders will continue to touch our hands while the eat–only time will tell.

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