RESPONSIBLE ROLES

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Step up Father!
Father’s need to step up and embrace their responsibility roles in the lives of their children.

It seems like these days, it’s hard to find someone saying good things about their fathers. I don’t know if the overall quality of fathering is going down. If people don’t appreciate their father‘s much, or if people just talk about it more those days, but almost every time you hear about someone’s father, it’s a negative light. Well I’m here to tell you that my foster dad is one of a great dad in the whole world. I really couldn’t ask for a better father than the one I got?sure we had few disagreements and there are a couple of areas where I wish he would have pushed me. But overall I don’t think there is a better dad available. So now that I’m yearning to become a father myself, I have a lot of good stuff to look back on for lessons on how I should be a dad to my kids. The most important thing about being a good dad is that, it’s about stepping up to your responsibilities?it’s who you are, not what you do. The things listed below are things a good dad should be, things that I lent not from my foster dad telling me but from watching who he was and is. Here are some ten (10) things I have studied about my foster father to become good:

Be calm
Kids will always do things to provoke you, sometimes intentionally, sometimes not. As a good dad you should keep your temper down, not yelling or screaming or throwing huge punishment for minor offenses just because you’re angry. After all you don’t really want to teach kids to do those things. Do you?

Be loving
It is important to remind your kids that you love them. This includes telling them that you love them but also other things like being supportive when they need it. Wiping away tears and hugging them?no matter how big they get. Showing you love them is just important as telling them that you love them?but don’t forget to tell them too.

Be patient
Sometimes you may wish your kids would just get around to learning something already or that they would finally be responsible and take care of their choices without having to be reminded a thousand times. It’s at those times that you need to be patient and remember that kids will always remain kids?give them time, give them your patience, they are worth it.

Be proud
It’s sort of a cliche that fathers are proud of their children?but a lot of fathers don’t realize how important it is to actually tell about their kids not just to friends and coworkers! Your kid’s needs to know that you are proud of them?and the things that they do that you show them you’re proud of are the things they will try to do again. If you show them that you are proud of their good grades, they will try and get better grades?if you show them that you are proud of them being good persons, or good with their siblings, or something else they will do whatever it is that make you proud again or at least try.

Be honest
It is important to be honest to your children. It’s important to be honest in general, really, but your kids would learn from you as you want them to be honest. Presumably, if you don’t want your children to know about something whether because it’s inappropriate for them or for other reasons, tell them that, don’t just lie to cover it up.

Be firm
When you set up rules, make them stick. If they are supposed to be home at 6pm, and they appear in the door at 6:07pm, they need to be punished bearing extenuating circumstances. On the other hand don’t be unbendable?let them have a break if the rule break is an exception, rather than the rule.

Be yourself
It’s important to be yourself around your children. Some people are completely different people around their children than they are around other people?your children will see this and it would have negative effect, it would erode their trust in you (you are being deceitful after all? you can’t honestly be two different person) and it would teach them also that, this is appropriate behavior for them as well. You may find the second part affect you directly?they may be entirely different persons in front of you than they are around their friends.

Be father first, friend second
It is awesome not only be a parent, but also a friend to your children. You need to know which one comes first, however kids need a dad more than they need a friend and you are the best option for them?and if you won’t be a dad to them, they will be looking for that influence elsewhere.

Be respectful
It’s very important to teach your children to respect you?but it’s also very important that you also respect them. This means giving them room to grow and learn, it means talking to them as an equal and treating them as their own individual persons. It means respecting their decision when you can, even if it’s not what you would have done, or not what you think is best for them. That doesn’t mean don’t give advice? just accept that sometimes they need to make their own way. It’s the only way they will ever grow up mentally and emotionally.

Be there
This could be a whole book by itself?and who knows, at some point in time it may be. For this point however, I would keep it simple. Children need a father, they need a father who is in their life, who pays attention to them, who is interested in them, who does things with them and cares about.

Time without attention, like in a marriage is worse than no time at all. Show them that they are important to you. Give them your time and attention. That certainly doesn’t cover everything involve in being a good father?but it’s a pretty good start. If you do the things above or rather if you can be the things above you be well along the path to becoming a good father. On the other hand, just because you fail doesn’t mean that you are not a good dad?you can pick yourself up and get back to it. I might say there is one thing I am learning for myself, though, I wish my foster father could have told me if he wanted to do so. I would love to be a dad?it’s one of the most fun and fulfilling things I’ll ever do and it will leave a lasting impact on both my kids and everyone they touch later in life.

This article is a summary chapter of my book entitled STEP UP FATHER.

Contact me on 0244028178/02024611110, nickyakumfi@live.com

Source: Nicholas Ameyaw-Akumfi.

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