The Issue Of Marriage Counsellors – Part I


If you are single and desire a joyful marriage or you are married and you have a marital challenge persisting after several efforts to tackle it without a third party, you need a marriage counsellor.

I will not pretend to be ignorant of the fact that there are fraudsters and people of questionable character in town parading themselves as counsellors and defrauding people. But if you have an excellent spirit, you can hardly fall victim to fraud.

Managing a human being is not as easy as managing any other manageable thing that exists. It is however funny, that individuals invest so much to study and gather information concerning other ventures before embarking on them. Yet, they ignore opportunities to research on relationships and how to manage one individual that they are expected to live with forever. What am I saying?

You spend five years in the university studying law for instance, which you may possibly after two years of legal practice, dump and switch occupation into buying and selling of a particular product. I mean, we know of many trained lawyers that have dumped their wigs for boutique business or even music. Sorry, law is not the only profession where this happens. This is just an example.

Now, you intend to marry someone you never knew until after decades of the person’s existence, and live with the person forever as husband and wife. Yet, you are not interested in even one-hour seminar session on marriage. You should not be surprised if the marriage does not work because it is too sensitive a venture, to embark upon without any form of learning, study or research session.

Don’t remind me that some of our grandparents had ‘successful’ marriages without attending marriage seminars because the rate of appreciation and quality of moral standards and love exhibited in their dispensation is too different from what we have in this internet generation. More people had genuine love for their spouses than the number of people that do so today.

The truth is that human beings are very complex in nature. When it comes to the issue of human management especially as it relates to living with one opposite sex forever as husband or wife, you will need to go to God for help. You just have to be connected to the creator of humans himself.

“The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?” (Jeremiah 17:9).

This is why I pity those who marry without premarital courtship. If those who went through it still have to depend on the grace of God for success, what happens to those who marry total strangers?

As a human resource management professional, I can authoritatively tell you that a human being is the most challenging resource to handle. A human being is dynamic in thought, knowledge and understanding and so, responses to issues are so divergent, vast and can be surprising and unexpected.

If you see a couple who in your estimation their marriage is working, it is not just because they are too skilful, smart or careful. They are enjoying grace from a superior power, knowingly or unknowingly. You cannot sustain your marriage by your own human power alone. This is what Jesus means by “…for without me, you can do nothing” (John 15:5).

This is why I marvel when I see couples rush to law courts to file in divorce papers or rush to government agencies to get injunctions on how to share their children and effect separation. You and I know that the paper called Divorce Certificate cannot in anyway wish away the destiny injury scar that will be created by your truncated marriage after divorce or separation.

If you are separated or divorced and you are sincere with yourself, you will admit that the injury created on your esteem by marital crisis, especially in a society like ours, is difficult to redeem. If you once had a happy marriage or home and called the marriage quits, you know that your life has never been the same.

For you who is contemplating separation or divorce, let me inform you that those who have done it may not tell you the truth about what is left of their lives, especially if their divorce was not informed by domestic violence. The truth is that something has really spoilt.

Marriage is an everlasting project and therefore, you need to go in with the tools for work. If you do not have those tools, you do not have them. Marriage is also a destiny journey.

Life generally, is like a road journey with so many bus stops on the way. When you get to a point where there is a challenge such as flat tyre and so on, you do not decide to settle down at that spot, ending the journey unexpectedly, just because of that challenge. What you do is to seek solution to that challenge so that you can continue the journey and get to your destination. Do not give up on your marriage because of the challenges you may be facing presently.

Each time you think about quitting your marriage because of a conflict, you are judging your future, using the limitations of your present. This is shortsightedness. It could also be ignorance. Except in a case where there is domestic violence or a threat to your life, it is wrong to separate from your legally married spouse. Even when separation occurs, it has to be a temporary measure, to enable time possibly heal wounds before restoration.

What can a marriage counselor do for you and who is that counselor? Find out in our next edition. Meanwhile, you can place an order for a copy of the book, MAKING YOUR MARRIAGE WORK by Albinus Chiedu. Your marriage will not fail in Jesus name. Amen

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