From ALBINUS CHIEDU
Though the family unit is the least in the kingdom of God, it is this unit that concerns everyone. The family, which is the outer court, is the first dimension under genuine kingdom activities. It is the first basic unit. From the level of family, there is ascension into fellowship. It is under fellowship that those from different families, values, and backgrounds, now come together to be fellows in the same ship. All kinds of conflicts are expected to occur at this point as the different values conflict.
If you will take a statistics in the church and in the houses today, majority of those couples you see always posing for photographs are only legally married.? They are not happily married.? On the huts of marital life are two road signs. One is legal.? The other is happy.? Many people are legally married, but are not happily married.? Some are both happily and legally married.?
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Life is about perspective, about how you see it.? Life is about interpretation.? The issue is not essentially the issue itself.? The issue is how you interpret the issue.? Different people see the same thing differently.? This is because you don?t see things the way they are.? You see things the way you are.
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?Wisdom is the principal thing; therefore, get wisdom; and with all thy getting, get understanding? (Proverbs 4.7KJV)
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Understanding protects you from being stranded in life.? So, when you get married and you don?t understand how marriage works, eventually, the marriage becomes stranded.? But when you understand yourself and the person you are married to; you understand the principles of marriage from the word of God, it makes it impossible for us to be stranded in marriage.
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…TO BE CONTINUED (Questions Are Welcome)
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Deacon ALBINUS CHIEDU
Coordinator, MARRIAGE CAN WORK MINISTRY
Mobile: 234-8038117704
E-mail: [email protected]
P. O. Box, 13188, Ikeja, Lagos, Nigeria
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BITTER TRUTH ON MARRIAGE (Part 2)-Understanding Relationship
The root of many crashed relationships today is wrong perception of relationship and wrong foundation. For instance, marriage is more than feelings. Do not just say:
?Oh! She is a good girl but they are so poor in their house. Let me marry her so that I can help them out since I am so rich?
?I am so impressed with what I have seen in this person. Let me marry him or her, even though I may not be able to express myself or my real feelings to this person (Impression without expression will lead to depression)
?Let me marry him or her because of how I feel for him or her?
Have you ever had a situation where you knew that someone was not your husband and was not a husband material but you were still having feelings for such person, claiming to be in love with that person? Perhaps, it has been all about sex.
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My dear, marriage is more than feelings.? Marriage is more about a decision; a lifetime decision. It is about responsibility, understanding, compatibility, faithfulness, loyalty…commitment.
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A relationship that is successful is based on true friendship. Now, such friendships must not have selfish strings attached. A lot of people today say, this is my friend just because the person gives them money. This means that when the money goes, friendship goes.
? …TO BE CONTINUED (Questions Are Welcome)
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For feedback, contact
Deacon ALBINUS CHIEDU
Coordinator, MARRIAGE CAN WORK MINISTRY
Mobile: 234-8038117704
E-mail: [email protected]
P. O. Box, 13188, Ikeja, Lagos, Nigeria
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BITTER TRUTH ON MARRIAGE (Part 3) Friendship
Every relationship with an opposite sex that is not a blood relative must be defined and operated as defined. If you are a guy and you are ALWAYS with a lady that is not legally married to you, at odd hours in her house or yours, always ask yourself: ?What exactly are we doing? Are we colleagues on duty? Are we potential husband and wife? Are we related by blood?…or are we simply potential or practical fornicators or adulterers?
If you are this type of person who is selective about intimate friendship, you will go far in life. When you choose friends, it is advisable that your ?best friends? have the following qualities:
(1)?? Older than you with wisdom to offer you
(2)?? Professionals in your field or area of interest with far higher experience
(3)?? Christians who love God better than you do
(4)?? Enjoy your presence and do not see you as a burden
(5)?? More educated, intelligent, caring and morally disciplined than you are
When you have the above personality as ?best friend?, then you are likely to make a good husband or wife if you allow their lives to influence yours positively.
Also, a true friend looks out more for what to give than what to receive. Jesus Christ did this by offering even his own life to save the whole world from sin. If you are a married woman who believes that you should never pay your husband?s bills or buy him gifts even when it is obvious that he has no penny, then, your marriage may not last.
There is also something you need to know as a single lady. Before you get into a deep commitment with somebody, you must try to find out the person?s background.? Some guys are not ready to love.? They are ready to just take advantage of people.? If you discover that the person you are about to start dating is somebody that has a history of breaking people?s hearts, you need to be careful and find out why this person has been in a repeated broken relationships. Investigate before you invest.
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…TO BE CONTINUED (Questions Are Welcome)
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For feedback, contact
Deacon ALBINUS CHIEDU
Coordinator, MARRIAGE CAN WORK MINISTRY
Mobile: 234-8038117704
E-mail: [email protected]
P. O. Box, 13188, Ikeja, Lagos, Nigeria
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BITTER TRUTH ON MARRIAGE (Part 4) When You Are Jilted
If you are in love with somebody and the person says ?I don?t want you anymore?, you must understand that you can still find a person who will love you.? You must not feel that your life is over. If a person says he doesn?t love you, it means he or she is not meant for you.? If the person can leave you for somebody else before marriage, it means he or she can do it again at the middle of the marriage.
If a person leaves you and says ?I don?t want you? or breaks your heart, that is an indication that no matter what you are feeling, this person is not meant to be your husband or your wife.? So, why cry over spilt milk?? Why cry over something you can?t do anything about?
In a case where somebody officially declares intentions to walk out of your life and actually does so, respect the person. That?s a person that is saying ?I am serious minded. I am not a jester and a fraudster. I have a goal and a vision, and I do not see you in that vision. I don?t love you and I don?t want to deceive you? is better than ?I love you? that is fake.
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Don?t protest and say: ?If you don?t marry me, you will never be happy.? You will only irritate and put off the person further. This is not a situation that anyone aspires to attain. This is why you need to carry God along with a close relationship before making the delicate decision to endorse someone as a lifetime partner.
Also, if you are going to step out of somebody?s life, respect that individual. Don?t treat God?s fearfully and wonderfully made creature like a piece of trash. The law of nemesis still works
Again, as a lady, avoid assumptions in a relationship. Always define relationships. Do not say: ?Well, everybody knows that this guy is my guy. We are always together, do things together and the whole town and neighbourhood knows this.? You say this without any official discussion about marriage or even intimate relationship with the guy in question. Look, the day the guy will give you his bad news (innocently of course, because he never knew there was any such thing going on), you may not be able to handle it. Although, you could accuse him of lying if fornication had been involved, you are at the losing end as a lady. So, communicate frankly and let things be defined. Sister, brother, ask in clear terms: ?What exactly are we doing?? before you start parading someone as your guy or lady.
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…TO BE CONTINUED (Questions Are Welcome)
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For feedback, contact
Deacon ALBINUS CHIEDU
Coordinator, MARRIAGE CAN WORK MINISTRY
Mobile: 234-8038117704
E-mail: [email protected]
P. O. Box, 13188, Ikeja, Lagos, Nigeria
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xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxBITTER TRUTH ON MARRIAGE (Part 5) Settle Down
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Brother, if you consider what your eyes see, you will follow the dictates of your evil heart and you will say ?I still have time. Let me enjoy myself because I am still young.? That is the greatest lie the devil has told people. If you are a full grown man, work towards settling down.
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Sister, if a man has no fixed address and no job and he is a layabout; if he has no character, you have no business marrying him with the intention to improve his life later. His mother couldn?t get it done. So, you MAY NOT do a better job. Leopards don?t change their spots…except by miracle.
If the guy you are dating has no character; if he is so temperamental and he is already attempting to slap you because of anger, he will use you as a punching bag when he marries you. You are not going to have a matrimonial bliss. You will have a matrimonial boxing ring. This is why marriage is more of a decision than a feeling. You may decide to go ahead and face this. It is a matter of decision. Let consideration for your decision and implications overpower your feeling and not vice versa.
…TO BE CONTINUED (Questions Are Welcome)
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For feedback, contact
Deacon ALBINUS CHIEDU
Coordinator, MARRIAGE CAN WORK MINISTRY
Mobile: 234-8038117704
E-mail: [email protected]
P. O. Box, 13188, Ikeja, Lagos, Nigeria
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BITTER TRUTH ON MARRIAGE (Part 6) Wrong Marriage Reasons
If the purpose of a thing is not known, it may be difficult to do it correctly or achieve its objective.
There have been cases where a guy married a lady simply because she got pregnant for him. If that is all the reason for the marriage, it is a wrong reason for both the guy and the lady.
If you marry a guy or lady because of fame, you are toiling with your destiny. If you decide to trade your destiny for popularity, you will regret it later.
It is equally childish for you to marry someone because you saw the person in a photograph and the person is outside your country. To God the creator, marriage is too serious an issue to be treated with such disdain. Apart from the fact that you are getting married to a mere photograph, you are also marrying a stranger. Are you sure you love yourself?
Some people get married simply to score a point that they can get married. Marriage is not the wedding ceremony. It is what happens thereafter.
Do not get married to a guy or lady because he or she is from a wealthy home. You may crash your life sooner than expected.
It is not wrong for parents to be consulted in making a choice of a life partner. However, you must know what you want in a partner. It is what you want in a husband or wife that matters more than what your parents want. They are merely consultants in this matter. Sometimes, parents? political motives inform arranged marriages. Always note that your future is at stake here. But wisdom must be applied in handling cases where parents seem to become obstacles rather than helpers. You may need counsellors here.
Don?t marry a guy or lady simply because your parents will not let you rest and want you to get married quickly. Please, look before you leap.
Do not marry anybody out of pity; maybe they are poor in their family and I want to marry her and play the messiah. Investigate before you invest.
Don?t marry someone out of tribal sentiment. What you should consider is character, care, Christian faith and level of moral discipline above tribal inclination. The person can come from Jupiter. It does not matter. God created the person.
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…TO BE CONTINUED (Questions Are Welcome)
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For feedback, contact
Deacon ALBINUS CHIEDU
Coordinator, MARRIAGE CAN WORK MINISTRY
Mobile: 234-8038117704
E-mail: [email protected]
P. O. Box, 13188, Ikeja, Lagos, Nigeria
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BITTER TRUTH ON MARRIAGE (Part 7) Guys That Cheat
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The challenge before most guys today is: ?How can I escape from the trap of immorality, stay in accountable relationship and refuse to see any girl behind closed doors??
Many guys are lured into immorality by poverty, wrong choice of male friends who influence them, greed, selfishness and lust. More importantly however, our society has a lot of bound men.
The Bible says Barthemaus was bound with his gown. One of the characteristics of a bound man is that he is carrying wounds that are still expanding. The truth about life is that the boys will soon become men. They are wounded boys and upcoming wounded men. If you meet a man who behaves badly, he was once a boy who behaved badly.? It doesn?t start in one day. It is possible that something was not dealt with at the tender age. Bound men carry wounds and the wounds keep expanding. A bound man has not grown out of childhood folks and childhood feelings and expressions. Selfish collectors of toys become selfish collectors of toys even when they are men. They will rather take care of their car than feed their families and take care of their wives. They prefer to stay with that car every Saturday shining it, polishing it, kissing it.
Unfortunately, many ladies don?t know a bound man even if they see one.? They rather look at height, financial status and other less relevant factors. This is why it is risky for a single lady to say: ?Let me just marry him. Once, I do, I will change him.? This may be possible but remember, marriage is more of a decision than a mere feeling.
…TO BE CONTINUED (Questions Are Welcome)
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For feedback, contact
Deacon ALBINUS CHIEDU
Coordinator, MARRIAGE CAN WORK MINISTRY
Mobile: 234-8038117704
E-mail: [email protected]
P. O. Box, 13188, Ikeja, Lagos, Nigeria
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BITTER TRUTH ON MARRIAGE (Part 8) Sexual Matters
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In the church, sex has become a taboo; a word not to be mentioned.? Everyone just calls it immorality.? But there is tremendous pleasure in sex if it is done within the prescriptions of God. All we need is adequate sexual education. First, we must teach our teenagers and single adults that having sex outside marriage has spiritual and physical dangers such as transfer of success barriers, HIV, unwanted pregnancy, other diseases, single parenthood, etc.
Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge? (Hebrews 13:4KJV)
Let the husband render unto the wife, due benevolence; and likewise also, the wife unto the husband. The wife hat not power of her body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband, hath not power of his own body, but the wife. Defraud ye not one the other except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt ye not for your incontinency? (1st Corinthians 7:3-5KJV)
So, after sometime, it becomes devastating when a man refuses to approach his wife for sex.? The message it sends across to a woman is that she is not beautiful or attractive anymore to him.? That destroys a woman?s self esteem. It is wickedness on the part of the man. He is expected to as a matter of responsibility, ensure he satisfies his wife sexually. It is funny that most authors accuse only women of this offence. That is bias.
It is equally terrible for a woman to deny her husband sexual pleasure because of some material reason or no reason. It implies handing the man over to the devil for temptation. The man feels insulted and angry that a woman he paid her bride price at the expense of all beautiful women in the world is denying him as it were, the fruit of his labour.
It is actually possible for married partners to stay off sex for a certain period of time without cheating on each other. It is all about effective communication, true love and understanding. ?Sorry darling! Please, we can?t do it this night. I am terribly tied. Lets make it so and so date or so and so time. I will make it up.? This could help.
?And unto the married, I command, yet not I but the Lord, Let not the wife depart from the husband: But and if she depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband: and let not the husband put away his wife? (1st Corinthians 7:10-11KJV)
?Art thou bound unto a wife? Seek not to be loosed (1st Corinthians 7:27)
…TO BE CONTINUED (Questions Are Welcome)
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Deacon ALBINUS CHIEDU
Coordinator, MARRIAGE CAN WORK MINISTRY
Mobile: 234-8038117704
E-mail: [email protected]
P. O. Box, 13188, Ikeja, Lagos, Nigeria
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BITTER TRUTH ON MARRIAGE (Part 9) Work It Out
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The person who is taking care of you in the office and saying goods things is saying it because that is where she eats from.? And the temptation is for you to think you have made a mistake and should have married that one.? Maybe you should try and live in the same house with the person for one week; I tell you, that one may be worse.
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You may see someone in church or office every time and say ?This was the type of wife or husband I dreamt of. I don?t know why I am so unlucky? My dear, if you are not told, you will never know the meditations of the heart of that person you envy. That person is simply working out his or her marriage. His or her prayer points might just be more than yours. Your own marriage can be better than what it is today. Take a decision.
It is very important for those who are married to realize that society might make it cheap to walk away from a marriage.? There are always regrets at the end of the action. It costs over 30 pounds to get married and 4 pounds to get a divorce in the UK. If you pay 4 pounds, they give you Certificate of Divorce.? But what about the children that ought to take care of you at old age? What about their future, moral upbringing, etc? Of a truth, it is really wished away.? Your friends are always involved, your relations and other stakeholders. You may still need to live forever.
…TO BE CONTINUED (Questions Are Welcome)
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For feedback, contact
Deacon ALBINUS CHIEDU
Coordinator, MARRIAGE CAN WORK MINISTRY
Mobile: 234-8038117704
E-mail: [email protected]
P. O. Box, 13188, Ikeja, Lagos, Nigeria
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx BITTER TRUTH ON MARRIAGE (Part 10) Children In Marriage
The first point to note is that as a parent, you are not God. Let your children realize that you are not God. Let them have your spiritual profile, especially if you are a Christian. Highlight your mistakes and warn them against making such mistakes. Don?t lie to them that you have been a saint all your life, especially as regards sex exploits.
Every child is like an arrow in the hand of the Almighty God. God took some children, shot them like arrows into the planet and they landed in your home. When God shot those arrows into homes, he had an intention which many parents today don?t seen to have a clue of.
?And these words which I command you today shall be in your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children. You shall talk to them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, when you rise up. You shall bind them as a sign in your hand and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes and you shall write them on the door posts of your house and on your gates? (Deuteronomy 6:6-9).
Many parents think living their lives before their children as recommended in Proverbs imply just taking them to church, calling for prayers, reading the Bible and behaving properly in their presence. How about what parents do in the absence of the children? Can they affect the children? The answer is capital YES. Prayers can never replace your personal responsibilities as a parent
Raising children is like baking cake; a minute and a second sleep, it gets burnt. The family I came from is not as important as the family I am going to make. Regardless of the values communicated to me, I must first and foremost pay special attention to the family I am making now because that is my claim to immortality. The children are the letters I will send to future I will never see.
…TO BE CONTINUED (Questions Are Welcome)
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Deacon ALBINUS CHIEDU
Coordinator, MARRIAGE CAN WORK MINISTRY
Mobile: 234-8038117704
E-mail: [email protected]
P. O. Box, 13188, Ikeja, Lagos, Nigeria
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx BITTER TRUTH ON MARRIAGE (Part 11) Children In Marriage
When your children do what pleases you, it does not mean that they are pleased. You require effective communication skills specially for your children.
Find out what interests them so that you will guide them to the correct things. If you don?t find out what interests them, they will not do what interests you. Discover their good talents and encourage them.
Children have concepts of sex from age 4-5. They will say: ?We are playing daddy and mummy? Who told them? You think they are so daft and stupid that when you return from as trip and you both keep quiet in the room and you are not in the living room and wait for them to go to bed, they don?t conceive what is happening?. Don?t fool yourself to think they don’t know what is going on. Just let them know that it is legitimate but that their time will come. Teach them that if they keep themselves, they will be able to have the same pleasure. Then, you are raising children properly.
Righteousness is not a slogan. It is something that is done as a result of the fear of God in our lives that we got from our parents; that we transmit to our children
God has promised in his word that past blunders will not destroy future destinies.
The place where a person becomes either a righteous person or a criminal is in the heart.? The place where a person becomes wealthy and the other person becomes poor is in the heart. The place where one becomes successful, the other one a failure is in the heart.? Everything comes from the heart of man. So, the heart of the children must be guided
…TO BE CONTINUED (Questions Are Welcome)
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Deacon ALBINUS CHIEDU
Coordinator, MARRIAGE CAN WORK MINISTRY
Mobile: 234-8038117704
E-mail: [email protected]
P. O. Box, 13188, Ikeja, Lagos, Nigeria
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx BITTER TRUTH ON MARRIAGE (Part 12) Children In Marriage
The greatest movies our children will ever watch will be our own lives; the lives that we live right in front of them. The greatest legacy you can give them is programming revelation into their spirit.
We are getting to realize these days that the disadvantages of TV can far outweigh the disadvantages if we are not careful about what our children watch on TV.
Every parent has been called by God to be a mentor to the children; whether they are our own biological children or other children.? We are mentors.? The life that we live before them really matters.
We cannot put the children in front of the car and break traffic rules and expect that we will raise responsible citizens in our country tomorrow.? We cannot be spending money that we have not earned legitimately; even if we are spending them for sound reasons like paying their school fees; and expect that anything righteous or reasonable will come out of the children.
What young people are doing today is bizarre but we must note that the presence of area boys today is proof that there are area fathers.? You don?t reproduce what you want.? You reproduce what you are.
We have a country like Nigeria where merit is not celebrated.? Only connection is celebrated; a country that has lost the definition of success.? But the church exists for that purpose; the purpose of introducing a new system.? For our own children, we must tell them that it is better to fail an examination and write it again than to cheat in the examination.? If you chat and pass you are still a failure.? That is the standard in God?s house.? A poor man is better than a liar.? We have the responsibility before our children not to gossip in the house; not to backbite; not to disrespect the government or leaders even in the church; not to run down people simply because they wronged us or hurt us.? The children will grow up believing that people are generally bad.? Live the word of God right before your children
…TO BE CONTINUED (Questions Are Welcome)
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For feedback, contact
Deacon ALBINUS CHIEDU
Coordinator, MARRIAGE CAN WORK MINISTRY
Mobile: 234-8038117704
E-mail: [email protected]
P. O. Box, 13188, Ikeja, Lagos, Nigeria
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx BITTER TRUTH ON MARRIAGE (Part 13) Children In Marriage
There are men who push their children away from their presence and say ?Go away.? I am too busy?. They don?t know that the childishness of the child is just to get the father?s attention. Sometimes, children are childish not because of anything else but because they want affection. They want to be loved. They want to be able to bond with their parents.
Ask yourself; were children to have had opportunity before they left heaven to see what their life will be with you on earth; if they were shown the image of your home before they came; how you would raise them, would the children have chosen you? Would you have chosen your parents if you were shown how they would raise you?? Would your children have picked you if they were shown what they are going through in your hands right now?
At the first unit of husband and wife, the moment there is disagreement, don?t worry about the children. You have already lost them.
Because we judge other people by their actions but we judge ourselves by our intentions. Most of the time, we don?t even listen to our children. We jump into conclusion as to what they want to say. We must develop good communication skills to enable us get the true reasoning patterns of our children and guide them properly.
…TO BE CONTINUED (Questions Are Welcome)
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For feedback, contact
Deacon ALBINUS CHIEDU
Coordinator, MARRIAGE CAN WORK MINISTRY
Mobile: 234-8038117704
E-mail: [email protected]
P. O. Box, 13188, Ikeja, Lagos, Nigeria
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx BITTER TRUTH ON MARRIAGE (Part 14) WHEN CHILDREN LEAD A COUNTRY
?Woe to thee, O land, when thy king is a child, and thy princes eat in the morning? Ecclesiastes 10:16 (KJV).
When this version of the Holy Bible was inspired and written several years ago, some of today?s geographical expressions or countries in Africa were not in existence. However, contemporary realities tend to reflect a fulfilment of this pronouncement, nay, curse in most parts of the black continent.
It is important for couples to understand the dynamics of children?s reasoning in order to guide them properly. The intention here is to identify qualities of a child and compare them with certain characters of leaders in most African countries. Kindly pardon the generalisation in this piece, as I must admit that a number of children are exceptionally wise and unique in character.
A child is scarcely ashamed of misdeeds and perceives those who attempt to rebuke or spank him or her as enemies. This is the character of most African leaders. Even in countries that are said to have established democratically elected governments, every criticism, constructive or otherwise, is perceived by government officials as opinion of opposition parties, which must be ignored. In their own estimation, every action of government, including obvious policy blunders and acts of executive foolishness are in the right direction.
Most children are myopic in reasoning and are careless about their future. They hardly see things beyond their immediate desires. If you ask a child to choose between having you buy the child a car, and paying his or her school fees, the child is very likely to choose the former. It is this thoughtlessness and carelessness about the future that has seen a serving Nigerian Senator earn more than the President of the United States of America. Some even buy and maintain expensive private jets in a country where over 20 million people are jobless and majority are living below $1 per day. Over 10 million children of school age are not enrolled in any school. The leaders are not bothered about the generations to come and the future of the country.
Many children are selfish collectors of toys. In most cases, a child wants to have all the gifts and toys to himself or herself and does not care whether or not the next child has any to play with. With no recourse to the level of poverty in most African countries, the leaders embezzle public funds with impunity. Billions of dollars are laundered and starched away in foreign private bank accounts while the masses continue to suffer and die from poverty. Even close relatives of public office holders are victims of their corrupt practices but like selfish children, they see nothing wrong in what they do.
A child has a penchant for wrong decisions because of poverty of the mind. He or she puts the cart before the horse in most cases. It is in Africa that Chief Executives of countries, states, regions or localities assume office before they begin to learn or even prepare for the act of leadership. When they assume office, they throw extravagant parties to celebrate election victory, organize expensive state-sponsored orientation seminars irrespective of the status of the economy they were elected to salvage or improve. They hold wasteful dinners and events as if that is the purpose for which they were elected into office. Nigeria?s President had said at a forum held shortly after the 2011 elections that about two years period was required for a state chief executive to understudy his or her commissioners, after which preparations would commence for the next elections. The President was trying to justify his widely criticized seven-year single term proposal for whoever would occupy the nation?s number one seat.
Poverty of the mind is the best description for a situation whereby a President, Governor or Local Government Chairman solicits for an applause through wasteful media advertorials, for commissioning a project that may never be completed throughout his or her four-year tenure. Besides, if I have to clap for my Governor for building a medical clinic in one of the numerous parts of my state, then I ask, what job was he or her selected to do with ready-made state funds from which he or she is paid regular salaries, including numerous allowances that are most times, not accounted for?
It is poverty of the mind among the leadership that has led to a deliberate destruction of the labours of our heroes past. A number of monuments have been eliminated over the years without replacements, thereby, throwing into disarray, sectors where such structures (some of which were businesses like Nigeria Airways) hitherto served as backbone. Legacies like the National Theatre, National Library and the National Anthem have been left to rot away. Most federal hospitals and universities are no longer what they used to be in terms of equipment and quality of personnel. This is because merit and hard work are increasingly de-emphasized by leaders for materialism to thrive.
A child has no personal opinion on any knotty issue but relies on the counsel of guardians; be they evil or good. There is nothing more stagnating to a nation than to have a leader who has no personal position on most of the priority challenges facing the country. A President or State Governor is not so daft as to require dozens of Special Advisers and Ministers or Commissioners and wait for their counsel on every single issue.
Again, it is amazing to find in this part of the world, leaders who never punish subordinates for misconduct due to fear of favour. How can such a leader ever achieve the primary objectives of government?
Children don?t care about the state of the economy of the family. Once it is morning, they have to take their breakfast. Our ?princes eat in the morning? because they do not realize that it is time for work. At a critical time when the country?s leaders are supposed to be working hard to fix the messed economy, they are busy partying; just like children.
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MEMORY VERSE: ?Woe to thee, O land, when thy king is a child, and thy princes eat in the morning? Ecclesiastes 10:16 (KJV).
PRAYER POINTS
1. By the power and blood of the resurrected Jesus, I loose my life from every influence of my leaders? sins on my destiny in Jesus name. Amen!
2. Oh Lord! Have mercy on my country and give wisdom to the leaders in Jesus name. Amen!
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…TO BE CONTINUED (Questions Are Welcome)
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For feedback, contact
Deacon ALBINUS CHIEDU
Coordinator, MARRIAGE CAN WORK MINISTRY
Mobile: 234-8038117704
E-mail: [email protected]
P. O. Box, 13188, Ikeja, Lagos, Nigeria
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BITTER TRUTH ON MARRIAGE (Part 15) HOMOSEXUALS
For those involved in same sex relationship and marriage, they are in various categories. There is this guy or lady that has had sex with so many people of the opposite sex to the extent that he or she has lost taste of normal male-female sexual pleasure. The person has now decided to explore lesbianism or being gay.
There is this second category of homosexuals that have even a worse case. They have never desired a normal male-female sexual relationship. They are originally gays and lesbians.
The third category were introduced into the act by relatives, friends, school mates or associates.
Another category of homosexuals have got problems trusting members of the opposite sex. He or she feels it is ?risky? to tie his or her life around someone from the opposite sex by marrying the person. So, he or she marries someone of the same sex.
This other category marries someone of the same sex simply to prove a point that he or she has the right to marry someone of whichever gender he or she deems appropriate.
What is God?s position on this issue? Every motive behind homosexuality is a product of man?s wisdom but ?the wisdom of this world is foolishness in God?s sight. As it is written: He catches the wise in their craftiness? 1st Corinthians 3:19 (NIV). But there is good news for those who desire freedom from the bondage of homosexuality. Just follow the series.
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MEMORY VERSE: For the wisdom of this world is foolishness in God?s sight. As it is written: He catches the wise in their craftiness 1st Corinthians 3:19 (NIV)
PRAYER POINT: Oh Lord! Keep me very far away from foolishness of this world in Jesus name. Amen.
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…TO BE CONTINUED (Questions Are Welcome)
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For feedback, contact
Deacon ALBINUS CHIEDU
Coordinator, MARRIAGE CAN WORK MINISTRY
Mobile: 234-8038117704
E-mail: [email protected]
P. O. Box, 13188, Ikeja, Lagos, Nigeria
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BITTER TRUTH ON MARRIAGE (Part 16) HOMOSEXUALS
The question that readily comes to mind is God?s perception of this bunch of human beings and their behaviour. In Genesis chapter 19, two angels of God paid a visit to Lot in form of men. Lot, a resident of Sodom hosted them.
?Before they had gone to bed, all the men from every part of the city of Sodom-both young and old surrounded the house. They called to Lot: ?Where are the men who came to you tonight? Bring them out to us so that we can have sex with them?. Lot went outside to meet them and shut the door behind him and said: ?No my friends. Don?t do this wicked thing. Look, I have two daughters who have never slept with a man. Let me bring them out to you and you can do what you like with them. But don?t do anything to these men, for they have come under the protection of my roof? (Genesis 19:4-8 NIV).
In verse 9, they insisted on having sex with the men and even ?moved forward to break down the door?.
?But the men (angels) inside reached out and pulled Lot back into the house and shut the door. Then, they struck the men who were at the door of the house, young and old, with blindness so that they could not find the door? (Genesis 19:10-11).
Now, God did not punctuate his anger there, having complained in Genesis 18:20 that: ?The outcry against Sodom and Gomorrah is so great and their sin so grievous.?
After instructing Lot to take his relatives and leave the city, ?Then, the Lord rained down burning sulphur on Sodom and Gomorrah from the Lord out of the heavens. Thus, he overthrew those cities and the entire plain, including all those living in the cities-and also the vegetation in the land? (Genesis 19:24-25).
When Abraham went there the next morning, ?he looked down towards Sodom and Gomorrah, towards all the land of the plain, and he saw dense smoke rising from the land, like smoke from a furnace? (Genesis 19:27)
There is good news for all those who are in bondage of homosexuality. Jesus said: ?The spirit of the Lord is on me, because he has anointed me to preach good news to the poor. He has sent me to proclaim freedom for the prisoners and recovery of sight for the blind, to release the oppressed, to proclaim the year of the Lord?s favour? (Luke 4:18-19). Surrender your life to Jesus Christ and he will invoke the power of deliverance on you.
The God of Abraham and Lot is still God today. Homosexuality and same sex marriage both irritate God. It is only repentance from this iniquity and taboo that can deliver those involved from God?s wrath. The judgement is not only for the individual involved but for his or her entire generation. No matter the motivation and origin of a homosexual case, God is able to deliver the bound through the power in the resurrected Jesus Christ. But there has to be first, a desire for deliverance.
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MEMORY VERSE:? The spirit of the Lord is on me, because he has anointed me to preach good news to the poor. He has sent me to proclaim freedom for the prisoners and recovery of sight for the blind, to release the oppressed, to proclaim the year of the Lord?s favour (Luke 4:18-19 NIV).
PRAYER POINT: Oh Lord! Deliver me from every form of prison in my life in Jesus name. Amen.
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…TO BE CONTINUED (Questions Are Welcome)
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For feedback, contact
Deacon ALBINUS CHIEDU
Coordinator, MARRIAGE CAN WORK MINISTRY
Mobile: 234-8038117704
E-mail: [email protected]
P. O. Box, 13188, Ikeja, Lagos, Nigeria
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BITTER TRUTH ON MARRIAGE (Part 17) Married Woman
Submission is not subjugation. It is making your mission in life as a woman, a sub-mission to your husband?s mission so that you are not running in different directions.
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?Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord? (Ephesians 5: 22)
?Therefore, as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything?
(Ephesians 5: 24)
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Respect is more important to men than anything else because of egoistic nature of man. The things we feel like doing when our husbands mess up are the things that hinder intimacy; like nagging, like lecturing one?s husband and complaining.? These things turn men off. Words hurt men really deep.? So, harlots are intelligent enough to know what loose men want and they provide just what attracts-sweet words and attractive postures.
If you want to remain attractive to your husband and make him always want to come close, pursue inner beauty.? What attracts a man is beauty.? Women are designed to be beautiful.? Men are designed to appreciate their beauty.? That is why the beauty contests were initially only about women. Pursue inner beauty
Women are beautiful.? Men are rough copies. Women are refined.? God made man straight from the dust.? God made a woman from the man; not from the dust.? Women are more refined than men.? Men have raw muscle.? Women are smooth.? It is when spiritual people pretend about real issues of life; that is when they fall into sin.? So, for you as a woman, beat that woman outside.? This your husband is going out to do business, talk to the market women, the secretary, the marketers, etc.? If the last thing he saw at home was grandma with wrapper tied around the chest and trademark on the cheek from saliva had stayed overnight, what do you expect?
MEMORY VERSE: Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord? (Ephesians 5: 22)
PRAYER POINT: Oh Lord! Make me a blessing to my marriage in Jesus name. Amen
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…TO BE CONTINUED (Questions Are Welcome)
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For feedback, contact
Deacon ALBINUS CHIEDU
Coordinator, MARRIAGE CAN WORK MINISTRY
Mobile: 234-8038117704
E-mail: [email protected]
P. O. Box, 13188, Ikeja, Lagos, Nigeria
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BITTER TRUTH ON MARRIAGE (Part 18) Married Woman–2
Some women are not helping the man. You are the one frustrating him and you are always reminding him of his weakness. You give the man what he wants. You build your husband?s confidence. You encourage your husband. If he is discouraged, you stand by him. Aim to be a blessing. That should be your life. Leave the world a better place.
Sometimes, children and wives don?t know when a man tries his best and things are not working yet. Don?t put the man down because he didn?t achieve financially like somebody else you once courted. Encourage him. Let him know his time is coming. Encourage him that his days are coming and that he will still smile. God says economically, physically, materially and spiritually, a blessed man will make progress.
A man needs to hear you appreciate what he knows. When your husband knows something, appreciate him with statements like ?That?s why you are my husband. I appreciate what you know?. Give the man validation, respect, honour.
Whatever you do, give your husband honour. He is the head of the home. He is the headman. He needs to see you rise to the things he calls urgent. If your husband says this is urgent, say ?Okay darling. I shall do it straight away?. God calls the man the head of the home. It is not debatable. It is not negotiable. It is not on the table for discussion. Of course, you are equals in the sight of God but you call the man the head.
The man needs to hear abundant encouragement from a woman because a man never likes to be caught discouraged in public. So, the woman should not be there adding to his pain. Infact, you should hear him more than what he said and let him hear abundant encouragement from you as his wife.
Give the man what he wants. Stand by him. Encourage him to move on. A man needs to hear the woman affirm his goals and visions.
MEMORY VERSE: Therefore, as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything?
(Ephesians 5: 24)
PRAYER POINT: Oh Lord! I submit my body, soul and spirit to you, your will and your ways in Jesus name. Amen
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…TO BE CONTINUED (Questions Are Welcome)
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For feedback, contact
Deacon ALBINUS CHIEDU
Coordinator, MARRIAGE CAN WORK MINISTRY
Mobile: 234-8038117704
E-mail: [email protected]
P. O. Box, 13188, Ikeja, Lagos, Nigeria
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BITTER TRUTH ON MARRIAGE (Part 19) Married Woman–3
Of course, the man needs to catch the vision. If he does not catch the vision, she cannot affirm the vision. For instance, she says:
?Excuse me darling!? This is January 1.? What are we going to do this year?? He says
?I don?t know. When I know, I shall tell you?.
She comes back in July or August to ask the same question. He says again that he will tell her in December. Again, as a woman, if he tells you the vision; even if you have problem with the vision, still show belief and affection. A good man likes you discuss a vision and he listens.
A man sometimes may be strongheaded when he has a vision that is moving him. As a wife, encourage the vision first. Then, you can come back and say ?Have you considered the other side of the vision?? Most likely, he will say ?No problems. It?s a good vision?.
Do not take his ability to provide for granted. Let the children know that daddy is trying his best. The children may complain
?The car is not big enough. Its not like Bola?s daddy?s car. Mummy, we don?t have so and so car. Why??.? Response should be ?Well, they can afford it at the moment. We can?t. We are glad for what we have?. The children may ask:
?Daddy, when are we going to have the kind of House Jane and Janet?s parents have? They have five bedrooms and a swimming pool. We just have two rented rooms on the 10th floor?. The woman should stand by the man and say ?Thank God for what we have? As a wife, let the children know that you are excited by what their dad has provided. Let them see something unique about it.
Express abundant pride in his person and work. If anyone would be the supporting club of a man, it should be the wife. Show interest in his work and say ?Can I see the work? Let me see what you are doing?. Give positive feedback. Yes, you may be the type that has an eye on works. When the man is coming, you can see the mistake from afar. But don?t talk mistake first. Even though you saw it from afar, you have to praise that work so much. Start with ?My God! Did you do this yourself? This is world class. Michael Angelo couldn?t even do this. I tell you.? After a few minutes, you can then say ?Next time, you could just mix the colours more neatly?. Talk abundantly of the qualities he has that touches you.
Something attracted you to your husband. Remember! Don?t always tell him what he didn?t do right. There is a big statement that hurts a man; when you tell him ?I knew you never loved me. You never really loved me. Infact, you don?t love me at all?.
My God! That is too far reaching. It is too unacceptable, coming from a Christian wife .
Sometimes, it is the man that likes to discipline the children. You don?t come and interfere between the father the child. If you disagree on his approach, you wait for him in the bedroom. Why not say: ?Dear, can I see you in the bedroom?? He comes to the bedroom and you discuss it behind closed doors. Don?t disagree in the presence of that child.
MEMORY VERSE:? A kind-hearted woman gains respect-Proverbs 11:16
PRAYER POINT: By the power in the name of Jesus, I crush every spirit of obstinacy in my life in Jesus name. Amen!
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…TO BE CONTINUED (Questions Are Welcome)
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For feedback, contact
Deacon ALBINUS CHIEDU
Coordinator, MARRIAGE CAN WORK MINISTRY
Mobile: 234-8038117704
E-mail: [email protected]
P. O. Box, 13188, Ikeja, Lagos, Nigeria
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx BITTER TRUTH ON MARRIAGE (Part 20) Married Woman–4
The people who stir up a conflict sometimes are children. Once they understand your point of disagreement, they can take advantage of it.
?Dad, can I have the key to the car?? Mummy says I can drive it out?. The man explodes.
?Honey! How can you tell a child that he can drive the car? What kind of a woman are you??
But she didn?t really put it that way. He only asked her ?Can teenagers drive cars?? and she said ?Yes, if they have a license?. He didn?t ask ?Can I drive a car?? Now, he has gone out to say ?Mum says..?
Stimulate a man?s mind, emotion and ego. One of the greatest problems in marriages that have exceeded 10 years is that they no longer know how to stimulate each other?s emotion, mind and ego? The woman now says ?Well, after all, we are married. Who else do you look at?? So, she dresses anyhow.
Give your husabnd what he wants. Do not just notice his good qualities. Mention them. Don?t go boasting to your friends ?My husband is a good man?. But when you are in his presence, you don?t tell him. Say things like ?Joe! You didn?t even call me today. You don?t call me. I want to hear your voice?. Give the man a positive feedback. The guy is trying.
Increase the pleasant memories he has. Maybe, its that pleasant memory that will protect him one day when he is in the zone of temptation.? The fact that a man is married does not mean that he will not face temptation. He will face financial and sexual temptation. What may protect him is the pleasant memories he took from his home and his commitment to you. Ask about his need. Ask him ?What do you need?? Ask and make him feel fulfilled. Remind him of what he has done to bring joy since you married him. Surely, something about him has made you joyful. Maybe, it is children he brought into your life or the fact that he helped you when you were going through your own education or he was the one working, encouraging you and picking the children. Maybe he took the time to help your younger ones or your parents. Surely, he did something. Let him know you value those things.
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MEMORY VERSE: Like Sarah who obeyed Abraham and called him her master. You are her daughters if you do what is right and do not give way to fear (1ST Peter 3:6 NIV)
PRAYER POINT: I prophesy and declare that my husband (or husband-to-be) is the best husband in the world in Jesus name! Amen
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?…TO BE CONTINUED (Questions Are Welcome)
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For feedback, contact
Deacon ALBINUS CHIEDU
Coordinator, MARRIAGE CAN WORK MINISTRY
Mobile: 234-8038117704
E-mail: [email protected]
P. O. Box, 13188, Ikeja, Lagos, Nigeria
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx BITTER TRUTH ON MARRIAGE (Part 21) Married Woman–5
Be the foundation and life member of his supporters? club.? You should be the one saying ?Go my husband! I am with you?.
There is this story. Many years ago, there was a man. His hometown near Lagos was a little village. He saw everybody coming back from Lagos and building nice houses in their villages. His wife said ?When are you going to the big city to do some work, come back with some money and build our own home??. He kept telling his wife that he would do it one day. Finally, he succumbed. They started the journey.
In those days, there were no cars. So, they had to walk many days to come to the city in order to make the money. To protect himself, there were no guns. So, he got himself some African juju tied around his arms; some around his neck, some around his waist. He swallowed some and licked some. Then, he started the journey with his wife. Not too long after they left home, they got to the thick of the bush and met twelve armed robbers. The robbers said ?Consider yourselves dead. Drop everything you have? The woman turned to her husband. The Bible says
?She shall look to her husband?.
The woman was relaxed. She felt ?Well, these guys don?t know who they are messing with. This is trouble for them?. But surprisingly, behold her husband was shaking. The guy was shaking like crazy. The woman looked at the thieves and looked at her shaking husband. She was still not afraid. Instead, she took charge and said ?Keep on shaking my husband! Keep on shaking!? This was how you shook last time and 20 people died. Go ahead! Shake for them? What happened next? The thieves looked at one another and fled.
So, be your husband?s supporter?s club.
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MEMORY VERSE: A wife of noble character is her husband?s crown but a disgraceful wife is a decay in her bones (NIV)
PRAYER POINT: Oh Lord, make me a virtuous woman in Jesus name! Amen
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…TO BE CONTINUED (Questions Are Welcome)
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For feedback, contact
Deacon ALBINUS CHIEDU
Coordinator, MARRIAGE CAN WORK MINISTRY
Mobile: 234-8038117704
E-mail: [email protected]
P. O. Box, 13188, Ikeja, Lagos, Nigeria
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
BITTER TRUTH ON MARRIAGE (Part 22) Married Woman—6
Blow the trumpet of his achievements.? Watch out for his empty cup moments and refill. Men have down moments in their lives when they are just tired or weak. Sometimes, a man feels lonely or exasperated and he feels like he is nothing. Be the one to fill his emotional cup. Although, it is true that there are some men that you pour back into their cup but when they come back, they abandon you. That should not deter you. It only gives you a reason to watch your choice of ?head? called Husband even before marriage. If you are not married yet, be careful how much you fill a man?s cup because some later get strong. Then, they begin to see that you are not their class. I will address husbands as this lesson series progresses but play your role as a wife.
Praise him profusely for making efforts at self improvement towards your marriage. Maybe, you come home one day and discover that he has cleaned the house. Make so much noise about it ?Darling, today I am going to cook your favourite food. You mean you cleaned the house?? Halleluiah!?. He will appreciate your feedback, your appreciation.
Encourage him to succeed without pushing him to prove anything or perform. Many women just nag. ?I am not the man-o!. Look at A. Look at B? At a point, the man gets tired of your comparisons. This attitude led one woman to get an evangelist to pray for her husband over one deaf ear. The evangelist prayed and prayed. The man was not healed of the deaf ear and the following conversation ensued:
Evangelist: Why are you still not healed of this deaf ear?
Man: All the time you have been praying, I turned the ear that I hear with to you
Evangelist: Don?t you want to be healed?
Man: No!
Evangelist😕 Why?
Man: My wife nags. So, when she starts nagging, I just turn the deaf one towards her direction
As a wife, learn to build the man. Find a loving way to tell him to shave the forest and clean up his face. Be there to help him to keep his focus. Sometimes, men can be distracted. Stop counting his mistakes. Start treating him as a miracle. Your husband is a miracle. Stand by your man. Don?t say ?Well, I finally got what I wanted. We are married. We are Christians. He can?t divorce me. I have the ring. So, there is nothing he can do?. Don?t treat that prince of God like junk; like he doesn?t matter. Don?t hurt his spirit. Give the man what he wants. Give him honour. Respect your husband. Make him feel truly that God called him to lead the home. Look! A man cannot really lead if his wife is not willing to follow. If you are a difficult wife, you make the home impossible. Don?t push your husband to the point where he says ?Okay, I have to just do what she wants.? That is not a home. That is a subversion of God?s order.
May your home be a miracle, a testimony and a blessing in Jesus name! Amen.
MEMORY VERSE: The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands, the foolish one tears her down (NIV)
PRAYER POINT: 1. Oh Lord! Make my husband (or husband-to-be) a testimony in Jesus name. Amen!
2. By the power in the name of Jesus, I crush every spiritual and physical home breaker in Jesus name. Amen
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…TO BE CONTINUED?
