By Justica Anima
The phone went dead in my ears as I dropped unto the floor in total regret and tears. All efforts to make this work proved futile. Days turned to weeks which turned into months. How I wish you reasoned the same with me, then things could have been easier for both of us. Cry as much as I did, nothing could change your mind about coming back to us. To you, we were a dead piece of wood that could never be revived by barrels of water. Total disregard for what we once shared was what we decided to embark on. Such a long goodbye we bid for a journey to an uncertain world. My darling. Sorry, I wish I could call you that but it’s no longer a valid title. I miss you and yet I am scared to let you know lest you consider me weak and lonely.
For so long I have remained in the silence that you left behind. No more early morning and late night calls from you. No more dates and long walks in the cold night. No more giggles and tickles from you. It’s a shame that two grown ups could only resolve to letting go when we could have stayed through to the end. And as if letting go was not enough, we chose to punish each other with the silence at the end of the line. Reliving the memories we shared only causes the heart to ache. Sharing what we had with others only remains as an experience worth telling. No amount of Justin Bieber’s “Sorry” will work the magic of having you back, or maybe it would. Ours is a broken bridge now; where neither of us can walk to eachother’s side without falling into the deep.
If tomorrow ever comes, I want you to know that I have deep remorse for losing a good friend as you. I always have you in a chamber of my heart. Forgetting you will be like forgetting my birthday. I hope that you are happy where you are. If you are not, remember that neither am I. We can only not make the mistake twice by letting eachother go again and again so let’s stick to this pattern. Whatever it may be, let us keep hope alive knowing that we shall meet again. Face to face we shall meet again. We shall meet but no more as lovers but as friends. And when we do, I hope we smile and say, “I’m glad I met you”.
Before I let you go, I must tell you that moving on has given me room to accept who I am. I have chosen to be strong and confident. Learning to be alone has taught me many things including loving myself first. I have grown into believing in myself so much that I release the energy of being myself wherever I go. I have learnt not to try to fit into someone else’s space. Losing is now winning to me because now I know that to lose is to gain something more greater. I hope you get to know that too.
Always remember that I bear you no grudge. I think of you the same way as I always have. I still believe in you and how beautiful you made my world feel like. Get to meet more people and forget about me since you already know how to do that so well. I will also try to do same. I hope that when you think about me it makes you smile; I do that all the time. Do not think of me as a devil because I’m no such person. Let love remain. We will outgrow it all oneday.
From an ex-lover to the one I once loved and wish I still did, I hope you get to know that I have not forgotten about everything yet. I would really be inhuman if I should admit I have. Cherishing every moment and memories of my life is what I do best. I wish this dream never ends. Don’t wake me up.